GET A FUCKING JOB!

 

By Bill Camden

If you saw that documentary on channel 4 this past Monday night, everything was true. The Job Centre is an incompetent institution that serves no real purpose other than letting members of the public gets basic income so they don’t starve to death or become criminals only to survive.

Those of you who have years of solid work experience may be more fortunate to land a job – but that’d only be in the same industry, trying to change industries is hard.

Jobs at the bottom of the barrel are a lottery because so many people reply sending a CV and Cover Letter is like playing the lottery, except your money is replaced by your hope and fears of rejection.

I sometimes wonder if the Job Centre want everyone to get jobs, because if they did wouldn’t they be out of a job themselves? Sounds like a simplistic formula but even on a sub-conscious level, I question the motives behind some the workers I’ve met at the big JC. Did you know they earn between £18,000 up to £30,000 per annum?

There might be a lot of monotonous admin work involved but mainly they get to meet the unemployed public and either grill them or ask them politely (depending on personalities) about their job search.

It’s a weird process signing on. You go there every week hoping you’ll never have to come back again but before long you feel like you deserve an invite to the Christmas staff party.

One time I signed on, the building received a bomb threat. Shutters came down over the windows, alarms were going off and everyone was told to huddle in the centre of the room, the Unemployed and staff together in a huddled confusion. It has to be one of the weirdest experiences of my life and I’ve taken plenty of drugs.

If you’re a recent graduate, I envy you, especially if you still live with your parents. You can go do an internship for 6 months, there’s plenty out there. You may be working for free but at least you get something on your CV that will put one over me on the Job Market.

For those of us who have to pay for bills and food, working full-time for free for months is impossible. Instead we’re forced to apply for jobs we’re going to hate knowing that we’ll only be making an extra 20 quid above the Job Seeker’s Allowance income after tax, rent and bills rape our wage packets.

Maybe that’s why there’s a lot of people on the Dole. Sure, you get the chavvy scum who consciously scam the system simply because they’re just scum.

Others sub-consciously have lost the will to look for work or even believe they can get a job anymore. How many times do you have to send CV’s and write personal cover letters in the vain hope of getting an Interview, never mind a job offer!

So maybe my attitude might be wrong but even if I got a job flipping burgers at my local McDonalds, I doubt I’d last a week before I was trying to put my own head in the oven.

It could be worse I suppose, I could’ve been born in North Korea and work 365 days of the year brainwashed into thinking I’m working for a great and divine Nation and Emperor. Now that shit is scary. This McDonald’s application is now looking rather inviting.

 

So Good, So Far, So Wrong

 

By Bill Camden

Since the start of the Olympics I’ve been living out of an underground bunker I’d made in a local allotment. You see, for the past year in the build up to this global event, rather than bask in anticipation of sporting triumph I spent my time watching videos and listening to podcasts.

Some of you may have done the same thing but you probably haven’t been listening to the kind of content that my mind has been transfixed on. I already have my own opinions on the Olympics being a corporate sports day, but apart from that I was pretty neutral about the whole thing.

That was until you supply a drunken man with the Internet and soon perceptions can change with a few clicks of an electronic mouse. I’ve been watching videos on YouTube which have convincingly shown that the London Olympics is the harbinger of death. The symbolism, the conspiracies all point to this Olympics being the show down for a multitude of possibilities, none of which involve peace, love and care bears.

I’ve been in my bunker, awaiting this Alien Invasion / A-Bomb to go off, ready to tell any poor soul lucky enough to have survived it that I was right all along and you should’ve listened to me, as I dance on the ashes of the fallen.

In a sobered state of mind I knew it was all nonsense, but who likes to be sober? We are living in a society that likes to fuck you up the arse without a condom distracting you with food, sex, comedy and violence.

The internet can be a dangerous thing, not because guys like me have access to this multitude of platforms but rather any Tom, Dick or Harry can make and post a youtube video.

It wasn’t just the Olympics either, it’s the year 2012, the end of the Mayan calendar and the end of the World as we know it. Planet X and Planet Niburu are coming to collide with the Earth bringing death and destruction whilst Alien races invade the planet and enslave us, the human race as gold diggers for their own sinister and needy greed.

Don’t forget the New World Order and the Illuminati’s involvement, the Rich come Lizard people are all to blame, the free mason’s and the secret societies have been plotting this society of random bull shit for centuries I’ll have you know.

So I took a break from Youtube and online videos of this sought only to find myself listening to podcasts. My life was then taken over by fear and a certain husky voice of an American man from Texas called Alex Jones who can make a birthday greeting sound like it’s bad news.

But there is something about Alex Jones that I like, not his dogmatic approach but rather his passion. You don’t hear him making wild predictions; he’s more factual than that. Just like his website infowars.com slogan says ‘spreading the truth about lies’.

His podcasts and a variety of guest appearances on others had me thinking that shit was going to hit the fan come the Olympics as it provides the Global Elite with a ‘false flag’ to invade Iran and blow the World to kingdom come as they enslave us as a One World Nation.

It’s almost been two weeks now and the Olympics is looking good. I’ve enjoyed seeing the beach volleyball and such at the Bookies. I feel rather stupid going to my bunker in my tin foil hat every night looking to the sky to see if I can see a mushroom cloud or an incoming space invasion from planet annunaki.

This World isn’t perfect, I know that much but I’m kind of glad to be proved wrong when it comes to A-Bomb’s in the Olympic stadium. Is there a market for crazy conspiracy theories to be made money out of?

So tomorrow I plan to leave the bunker behind and ride back into civilization in London.

God speed my friend.